A Hundred Things . . . {the sin of prolonging}

I have a hundred things rolling around in my head.
Have you ever felt that way?
As in The Screwtape Letters I have a common vice that occurs when I feel God is prompting me in a number of directions, thoughts, ideas -- when I know I need to sit down a work it all out, pray deeply to hear his deep, sweet voice, and discern what it is what He's trying to stir so gently within me.  Instead of obedience, it's as though another voice whispers within me and says, "this is too important to do when you're not entirely focused.  Let's save this for LATER when you can devote all your attention to it."  And then later amazing stalls it's way into the distance.  It's a clever tactic that the Enemy has effectively used on me time and time again.  In my busyness I don't think about what's playing out before me.  Months will go by and I'm being disobedient to God.  

I want to *sigh* with exasperation at myself, but the truth is that lately, my life group has been reading The Story.  Do you know the one I'm talk about?

The Story looks at the major stories of the Bible from the beginning to the end.  And one thing that is so super clear when you go through the whole Bible instead of doing long in depth studies on small passages is that you get a clear sense of God's voice, God's holiness, and God's heart.

It breaks my heart that I fail him when he's been working since creation to be so intimately close to me.  How astonishing to me that I would put off speaking with the One with whom my heart years?

Do you do this, too?
Do you think things like -- God knows what's going on.  I don't have to tell him.  or  I really want to spend some time with God but these 5 minutes aren't enough, later I'll have REAL time to sit and pray, so I'll do it then . . .

My sweet friends, please don't be coerced into staying staying away from your heart's truest love.

Sometimes our lives feel like they are getting off track and it's because our hearts are not in line with His.  We might be going to church each week, hanging out with Christian friends, but not truly being intimate with the One with whom our heart was made to love.  If you're feeling like this is you, just stop where you are and tell Him how much you love him.

Father God, 
How amazing it is that you love me in spite of myself.
Please forgive me for not valuing our relationship lately
enough to make our time more of a priority.  Help me to 
talk to you constantly throughout the day because I know
that each moment is holy and significant when You are in it.
I love you.
Amen.

Surprised by Love: Overwhelming Support

After years of waiting, we finally brought home our little Chipmunk a few weeks ago.  Darling husband and I have been talking about her and dreaming of her since before we were married.  And now she's here and I am utterly, terribly in love.  Her cooing, and snuggles, her precious smiles that light up my heart -- well, if you've had a wee little one like this, then you know what I mean.

So many things are different this time around.  When we brought home All Star and Sugar Monkey we felt a wide array of feelings.  We loved them and wanted to play with them and pour our hearts and love into them, but there were numerous challenges as well that made us feel exhausted, overwhelmed, lost, even desperate.  I'm not sure if you can relate to those feelings.  This little girl, however, seems like a precious gift to remind us of who God is, who we are in Him, and to just bring an abundance of joy where many sore places in our heart needed a balm.

Can I tell you one surprise that I never expected?
Pause before I answer and let me tell you that Hubby and I never really fundraised.  We were busy with ministry and we didn't want to be a burden on our friends and family.  Often in our self-depreciation, we felt like we weren't sure if we had any close friends.  We do ministry, which brings us around people all the time, but we don't often really get to spend dedicated evenings with friends to just hang out -- we haven't in years.  We're a mess, I know.  So basically, we just felt like how could we really go about fundraising and asking people to support us when this was just *our* journey that we felt like we needed to go at alone.

But I was wrong.  In lieu of fundraising, we brought home Chipmunk and EVERYONE wanted to support us.  A friend set up a meal train and we had food brought in for three weeks!  People that I didn't know felt anything for us were bringing us carefully planned out meals in disposable boxes with paper plates and cups.  We had messages from people on Facebook from people whom I haven't seen in years asking if we needed anything, and what can they bring, how they can help.  We had neighbors bringing gifts of clothes and food.  I literally kept a list (for thank you card purposes, you know) of who all helped and had three pages of people.

Now, for you extroverts out there, that may not seem like a big deal -- but for introverted ole me, who practically only leaves the house for grocery runs and gas fill-ups (I may exaggerate) this was overwhelming and shocking.

And it occurred to me, as I'm slow to realizations, that our community wants to be part of adoption.  Our community -- yours and mine -- wants to share in our joy and be part of supporting this work God has placed on our hearts.  How silly of me to not trust that what God planned for us, He would support through the hearts of people in our lives.  How silly of me to have thought I was alone.  God never leaves us alone. Never.

So if you are thinking about adoption, consider being surprised by love.  Consider putting your heart out there and allowing the gift & blessing of others joining in your story.  You're not alone either.  Emanuel = God with us   It is His name.  It is his promise.  Don't make the same mistake I did and forget.