So I haven't posted in this blog for a while, a long while actually. Long story short: I started a new job, and then left that job, as we realized a few things, one of which was that our little guys needed a lot more attention and care than I had energy to give them after an emotionally-wrought day at work. They needed 100% and I wasn't able to give them that.
This past summer was rocky and then we headed to the Empowered to Connect Conference. It had been 4-5 years since I went to my first and last one. But this year, it changed my world. I had heard (almost) everything they had to say before, seen (almost) all the videos before -- but this year somehow the organization was different or *I* was different and it all fell into place. I got it. I felt like the light bulb had come on and the Holy Spirit had breathed new life into me.
I'll be honest with you. The first day I had to grieve a bit.
It's hard to take in that despite ALL MY BEST INTENTIONS I was not reaching my child's deepest needs. I had been trying to do everything right but the core of it all was still traditional parenting with logic and consequences, and it was driving my children deeper into despair, masked with a LOT of anger.
But the second day folks were saying things like, "Hey! We can start NOW! We can't get hung up on guilt for acting a certain way when we didn't know before. We are just responsible to change now that we know the better way."
Sooooo . . . the big question: how's it going?
The political answer is: GREAT!
The truthful answer is: I'm EXHAUSTED.
The longer answer is: I think my kids are working though some of their issues and finally feeling like they have a voice in our family for the first time ever. It's unearthing deep fears that we talk through, but I don't think we've ever been in a more honest place. It's definitely all-hands-on-deck. I couldn't do this alone.
And this is what I want to tell YOU.
If you had asked me two weeks ago how All-Star was doing, I would have told you: Awesome. He's got fantastic grades in school (straight As for 5 years now), has a ton of friends, is well rounded, is articulate, etc.
But now that I went to the training and now that we've started these strategies, I can see that he's not had it all together. He just likes everyone to think he has it all together. He's a stuffer. He likes to stuff his disappointment and fears and anger. He believes he can't change the outcome of his life and the problems that he faces. He believes that he doesn't have a voice to make any difference.
All these strategies are causing him to process and to deal with things as they come along. It's good, but it's hard. And I wonder how many of us have adopted kids and think mistakenly, our kid is fine.
All that trauma they once experienced was profound; the scars are often still oozing because we aren't looking close enough to notice.
This past summer was rocky and then we headed to the Empowered to Connect Conference. It had been 4-5 years since I went to my first and last one. But this year, it changed my world. I had heard (almost) everything they had to say before, seen (almost) all the videos before -- but this year somehow the organization was different or *I* was different and it all fell into place. I got it. I felt like the light bulb had come on and the Holy Spirit had breathed new life into me.
I'll be honest with you. The first day I had to grieve a bit.
It's hard to take in that despite ALL MY BEST INTENTIONS I was not reaching my child's deepest needs. I had been trying to do everything right but the core of it all was still traditional parenting with logic and consequences, and it was driving my children deeper into despair, masked with a LOT of anger.
But the second day folks were saying things like, "Hey! We can start NOW! We can't get hung up on guilt for acting a certain way when we didn't know before. We are just responsible to change now that we know the better way."
Sooooo . . . the big question: how's it going?
The political answer is: GREAT!
The truthful answer is: I'm EXHAUSTED.
The longer answer is: I think my kids are working though some of their issues and finally feeling like they have a voice in our family for the first time ever. It's unearthing deep fears that we talk through, but I don't think we've ever been in a more honest place. It's definitely all-hands-on-deck. I couldn't do this alone.
And this is what I want to tell YOU.
If you had asked me two weeks ago how All-Star was doing, I would have told you: Awesome. He's got fantastic grades in school (straight As for 5 years now), has a ton of friends, is well rounded, is articulate, etc.
But now that I went to the training and now that we've started these strategies, I can see that he's not had it all together. He just likes everyone to think he has it all together. He's a stuffer. He likes to stuff his disappointment and fears and anger. He believes he can't change the outcome of his life and the problems that he faces. He believes that he doesn't have a voice to make any difference.
All these strategies are causing him to process and to deal with things as they come along. It's good, but it's hard. And I wonder how many of us have adopted kids and think mistakenly, our kid is fine.
All that trauma they once experienced was profound; the scars are often still oozing because we aren't looking close enough to notice.
My prayer for my kids and for yours is that
we are not just attentive, but attuned.
That we put aside our assumptions about
what good parenting looks like and delve
deeper to what our kids truly need.
They're worth it. God loves us this much.
Aren't we willing to do the same?
