Freedom: A Lesson from the Trenches

There are many lessons that I learn from my children, lessons that teach me about God's heart.  Being a parent can teach us so much if we are open to listening to His Voice.  Parenting a hurt child teaches us even more about ourselves that we would initially think -- more than I would initially think.  After all, how cracked am I?

Both Sugarmonkey and AllStar love control.  In fact, they crave control in almost every single aspect of their lives.  They would ideally control their rooms, their belongings, their conversations, their interactions with others, their friends, their family, everyone and everything.  Their deep desire to control stems from deep, deep fear.

Fear is a scarier thing to talk about.
Control feels like power.
Fear feels like weakness.

They fear vulnerability.  They fear inadequacy.  They fear insecurity.  They fear doubt.
Don't we all?

So their answer, heart wrenching and broken as it is, is this:  they choose to isolate themselves - dash away friendships and playdates except for the most of predictable ones or predictable situations.  Ban all types of activities that are brought with newness.  Stick only with something that has been experienced hundreds of times and met with the same experience in all those times.  ie. Only eat at the same handful of restaurants, eat the same few foods, talk with the same few kids, play the same sport.  Intact MANY rules.  i.e. Never let anyone in the bedroom where they could rearrange my things or break something that's mine.  Never go somewhere without tons of toys with me in case of boredom.  etcetera etcetera

And I share this with you because I look at my children and I pray desperately for their freedom.  They have become so entrenched in their fear and in their need to control that they have lost their joy.

Do we ever become the same?

Let me ask that again, and let's take some time to pause and reflect.  Do we ever become the same?
Do we try to control which line will get us through the grocery store fastest, which lane will get us home quicker, yell at the driver who is not driving the way we want them to drive (because we want control?)

And how often do we acknowledge the fears that are pacing around in our hearts -- will we be able to pay all our bills this month?  will there be enough extra?  does my spouse still love me?  will I ever find a spouse?  am I pretty enough?

Then we jump back to trying to control: make a budget!  try to diet!  read this new magazine on being sexier with my spouse and he'll love me more!

And in all of this God is there.
Waiting.
Speaking.
Saying -- depend on Me.

We don't even know what this means in our first world lives and yet ---
Here I am watching my children, wishing deep freedom for them.  And I can hear God's heart wishing the same for us.  Only we're confined in our brokenness.

Can we lay down our fears, our deep desires for control, and turn it over to Him?  Can we trust Him for the freedom that He longs to give?